Comfort. Solace.

two hundred and twenty eight

Pondering situation, psyche, emotions and ambition.

Who do I want to be? Who am I able to be?

two hundred and twenty three

Trying to cheer up a very colorless being into colorful christmas cheer... Not really making it happen.

one hundred and eighty nine

Went here and there feeling useful and inspired. Then I went home thinking I need to write this day down... and then I doubted myself again. Damnit.

one hundred and eighty three

Drained again. Autumn blues. Inadequacy. Pets for company.

one hundred and eighty

Nope. I'm not sure I can deal with myself and my highs and lows. I'm driving myself crazy here people. I can't. I can. I can't. I can. Ad nauseam.

one hundred and seventy six

A nothing kind of day. Did almost nothing. Worried about almost everything.

one hundred and sixty

My shoulder snapped and now it hurts so bad. Warmth, massage, ointments, painkillers... I'm being punished for something for sure.

on hundred and fifty nine

At home, car, train, meeting, train, lecture, train, car, home. I feel like I'm faking the whole thing somehow.

"Hello, I'm not able to do all this! Glad you bought it, but can I quit now? Please?"

one hundred and fifty four

Trying to do everything at once. Meetings and readings and home things...

Everywhere and nowhere.

one hundred and forty six

Today I left my real camera to be repaired, so that my photos finally can be what I want them to be. So that I can finally trust my camera to do what it was manufactured to do. But it means living without it for up to three weeks. So more crappy webcam-me to come I'm afraid.

one hundred and thirty three

Big presentation in front of a lot of people. It felt good, but I still doubt my work a lot. I should be doing more, but could I? Can I?

(Not the best photo, but it was out of my hands)

one hundred and sixteen

This bracelet is so far the most creative part of my day.

That didn't come out exactly as planned either.

one hundred and thirteen

I tried setting up my camera to shoot me "in action - working" since I did some of that. I keep forgetting to bring camera to exiting work events (such as a lecture I did today!).

A couple of shots came out appropriate and boring. This - zoomed way too close - made me smile. It's more honest. This is how out of control of things I feel right now. I can't even use the zoom right.

(The mood for today does not apply to that lecture. When lecturing I felt alive!)